How to Avoid Mommy Wars

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As a mother, it’s impossible to avoid the hop topics all mommies discuss: birth (natural versus c-section, all natural versus epidural), parenting style (helicopter parenting, attachment parenting), sleep style (in bed with the parents, in his crib and in his room), weaning – as in time (from 4, 5, 6 months, when the baby sits and so on…) and style (the usual versus baby led weaning), vaccination (pro and cons). There are SO many topics which separate mothers into different teams that a new mother afraid of a mommy war hardly finds a subject to approach when first talking to a woman on the same position. Opinions tend to be very strict in most cases, so mommy wars ensue sooner than a fire on a hot day. If you’re a new mom and you really want to avoid such drama, follow these basic rules:

  1. Start by letting the other mom express her true feelings on a hot topic that comes into debate. Find her opinion and be flexible about the way you tell yours. You don’t have to lie if you disagree; you just have to be very/extremely diplomatic and gracious in expressing yourself.
  2. Don’t try to impose your opinion. Yes, in your universe sleeping with your kid may be the coolest thing ever; however, this may not apply for other moms. Use empathy and walk a mile in their shoes. Listen to their arguments and don’t try to demolish them.
  3. Accept other opinions. Yes, you may hate the idea of baby led weaning and it may seem foolish for you, but in the end, it’s not your child whom another mother is talking about. Each does as she wants with her baby, so accept what others do without getting frustrated or angry and without answering back in a bitter manner.
  4. Expose your arguments. Even if you don’t plan to convince anyone of anything, it’s important to know how to build a case for yourself. This way, maybe you’ll actually show another mother a new perspective she wasn’t thinking about.
  5. Choose your battles. Yes, something it’s better to be brutally honest and to insist, but this is the case only when the health of the little one is in danger. At this point, it’s not a mommy war you’re fighting, because the purpose is not a mere win, but letting another person know what she’s doing wrong, how she may hurt the child and how to avoid such problems in the future. However, don’t forget to do this in a nice manner. Choose your words with wisdom and don’t show any signs of irritation.

For a new mother, mommy wars can be quite a nasty surprise. Nonetheless, keep in mind that warrior mothers love their children and even if they’re somewhat impulsive and annoying, they do some things for the sake of them. The important thing is that in such wars you’re “fighting” mothers who love their kids and want the best for them, even if they have different methods than yours to reach that so-called best.

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